UK News In Brief
Boffins create new math that proves Brexit was successful Dr. Barbara Williams of Inverness University said, "the new calculations show that you're better off now than you've ever been. And we know the calculations are correct as they also prove you are the most attractive one in your friend group and you were right in the last argument you had".
Patriots demand BP pay less tax "It's just common sense," said Trevor Williams whilst demonstrating outside Parliment yesterday, "working people like me should be paying all the tax. Because then there's something called 'treacle down economics' and we all get rich. Well, that's what the The Express says".
New iPhone to feature 20 lenses Apple say each lens is designed to provide the best pictures under different but common circumstances, e.g., one for the lighting in Greggs, another to photograph a sausage roll. However industry expects warn the RRP of £16,999 might put off some buyers.
London borough of Tower Hamlets under Shariah law "It's terrible", said world famous actor Laurence Fox following a visit, "there's hundreds of cars in the park and there's people everywhere - shouting, selling stuff. It's like a third world country". However local Jonathan Chan thinks Fox might have confused Shariah law with the weekly car boot sale.
Italy makes claim to the Celtic Sea In an unexpected move the government in Rome has announced it expects to take ownership of the Celtic Sea "soon". The motive for this claim remains unclear although experts suspect it might relate to Italy's recent loss in the PGA Championship.Weather
A cyclone forming over the Midlands will result in storms and rain interspaced with sunny spells in the north. Everywhere else should expect frogs falling from the sky.
Reform names new shadow defence minister