FrecNet's
Patriot News
2024 2023 2022 2021 2020 2019 2005

UK News In Brief

Comedian Jim Davidson warns about the danger of immigrants in The Independant Valiant voice of reason Davidson is again hoping to enlight us. In the article he explains why foreign people cannot be trusted in an entertaining update to the "Rivers of Blood" speech.
ICJ classifies UK food as a war crime The International Court of Justice today identified boiled eggs as a war crime. "Whilst it is worth noting this is probably a mistake," said leading British judge Justice Sir Sebastian Smythe, "some good points are made in the report".
Patriots demand Amazon UK pay less tax "It's just common sense," said Kate Hutton whilst demonstrating outside Parliment yesterday, "working people like me should be paying all the tax. Because then there's something called 'treacle down economics' and we all get rich. Well, that's what the The Mail says".
Boffins create new math that proves Brexit was successful Dr. William Byrne of Newcastle-Upon-Tyne University said, "the new calculations show that you're better off now than you've ever been. And we know the calculations are correct as they also prove you are the most attractive one in your friend group and you were right in the last argument you had".
Duchess of Sussex Megan Markle's gameshow Am I made of chips? cancelled after two episodes "We hadn't really thought it through", she said, "in hindsight it's really easy to tell if something is made of chips or not".

Weather

Weather
A low pressure front in the north-east increases the chances of driving gales alternating with sunny spells in the north. Everywhere else should expect changeable conditions.

Breaking News

Reform names new shadow defence minister

In a suprising move today Nigel Farage has named Star Wars's Grand Moff Tarkin as the new defence minister for his shadow cabinet. "The Grand Moff is a capable leader with a history of decisive actions, who can forget his masterful destruction of Alderaan? And we believe he will be very popular with The Sun readers." When asked whether he thought Tarkin being a fictional character would be somewhat of a drawback, Mr. Farage responded, "not at all! Fiction is one of our core party values."

3rd of November in History

2015 SKY cancels evening news read by sock puppets following complaints to OFCOM.

1650 In the Civil War's Battle of Juggs Close Royalists trialled the use chickens as mounts instead of horses with limited success.

1561 Brazillian sailors are ship-wrecked on the shores of Britain and introduce the parsnip.

A Patriot First

In his own words the first patriot to get hit by a brick right in the goolies Next time you get hit by a brick right in the goolies, remember Trevor Williams as he was the first man to do so. Inverness has a statue of Trevor to commemorate this heroic activity. And there is an annual pilgrimage to it for the real patriots across Britain. On the eve of the government making getting hit by bricks right in the goolies illegal, we talk to Trevor.

"It goes without saying that being a teacher meant I had to work with bricks all the time. That and a lot of idiots. Bloody bricks and idiots, day in, day out. I had been thinking about getting hit by a brick for a while then it occured to me, why couldn't I get hit by a brick right in the goolies? So I just did it. The next day I get a call from The Times and they make me famous. Well, famous again I guess - I'd been in the paper the year before when that goat bit my buttock. I was lucky that the whole thing was being filmed and I became somewhat of meme overnight. That really does make up for the damage to my privates.".