Featured Deep Dive Article
Truthpedia continues to fight the misinformation of the woke socialists so you can be happy about your life choices.
When boy bands threatened to touch me only one man could save meby William McConnell
My family came from South Korea before the last war and I've always wanted to visit the old country. I had plenty of holiday days left so could certainly afford the time for a short vacation. With Brexit making everything so much cheaper I was easily able to buy myself a first class airplane ticket. Now I know I should had been a bit cautious, like everyone I saw that BBC documentory about the South Korean boy bands but it didn't really worry me. Anyhow, I asked my mum to look after my pet rabbit for a couple of weeks and took a flight to Seoul.
No-one had told me that South Korea would be full of Koreans! It could do with a few decent places to eat like McDonalds. For a few days I did all the tourist things - visited the museums, the landmarks and the sex trade workers. Then I decided to find out where Jungkook was born, I knew there'd be a statue or something. So I set off quickly and headed for the south of the city where the shops are.
And that was where it all went wrong.
I had gotten a bit lost and was in a quiet alley close to the cathederal. I was distracted, wondering why all the supermarkets had shelves full of produce and not effeciently empty like we had back home. With no warning there was a loud bang and a cloud of smoke covered me. When it had cleared I found myself to be surrounded by boy bands!
"I say, steady on," I said, assuming the British accent would scare them off. But they seemed angry and hostile. Slowly they began to close in. And then I saw it. Something out of place, unsettling. Pegged next to Emin was a lizard, shaking in a way that animals do when confronted with a predator.
"Come forward, what will happen now has happened to many men before you. You cannot resist!" she virtually shouted, face become red with some dark and unspeakable emotion, "You will see in my hand a picture of your pet snake Snake Plissken. If you do not immediately touch this lizard then I will ensure that Snake Plissken dies!"
The picture was indeed of my poor little snake, bound to a chair with a blind on and a proprotionally small revolver pointing at his head. This was real. I had to save Snake Plissken! Tears streamed down my face as I moved next to the lizard and I tried to not meets its terrified gaze as I stopped next to it. But the creature's fear meant nothing. This was going to happen. And with Emin crowing behind me, I began to touch it.
If you want a blow-by-blow account of what happened next I suggest you find the The Mail article from last year that goes into suprising detail. All I'll say here is the lizard was very ticklish and made a little high-pitched noise every time I touched it.
Eventually the deed was done. I suspect no lizard has ever been so thoroughly touched. I looked up to see where the architect of these evil events was but Emin was nowhere to be seen. I suddenly realised there was someone else lurking in the shadows; a man with a camera, happily filming me. As you know the pictures made their way to the editor-in-chief of The Mail who I understand to be a great friend of artist Tracey Emin. The article was run the next day and the rest, as they say, is history.
The first few months were rough. In the street strangers would stop and stare, mothers would drag their children away from me. But things are much better now.Hopefully now you know the true story of what happened. Don't even listen to Emin's sweet voice, just say no to any offer.
The Real UK News
- Leicester residents evacuated as building work unearths 1,000 pound WW2-era bomb. This is just a cover story by the Labour Council to allow them to explore people's houses unmolested and do unspeakable things in the bathrooms.
- Outrage as customers discover CCTV in McDonalds toilets. Wake up people! How shocked and outraged can you actually be? You are eating in a woke company that uses camers to make sure there is always at least one transexual in the toilets (two one a Wednesday).
- Actress Judi Dench wins the Falmouth hamster eating contest. The looney-left town council introduced the competition in support of the large number of immigrants from China, where the hamster is considered a delicacy. Witnesses say she had a jaw that "looked like it unhinged".
- Staines fly-tipper has van crushed by Home Secretary Suella Braverman. After repeated offences the weak left-leaning Staines council finally listened to the voice of sanity Braverman and destroyed the vehicle. The woke believe that rubbish can and should be dumped anywhere so it can naturally compost and heal the planet or something. The tireless crusade by Braverman to stop this nonsense was rewarded by allowing her to crush the vehicle - with her bare hands.
Factoids
- The North Pole is an actual pole, made of iron and thousands of meters tall. That is why all compasses point to the north, they are attracted by the volume of iron. The pole itself was built four thousand years ago by the ancient British to help the world navigate.
- The geometric center of the internet is Brighton. And the geometric center of Brighton is the Boots store. The Brighton Boots used to have a small bronze plaque on the floor to commemorate this - until the snoflake local council removed it so not to 'embarrass the other towns'.
- The Eiffel Tower was originally constructed in Leeds and shipped to Paris. Clearly Leeds is known across the globe as a centre of excellence for construction. So it's no surprise that Francois Mitterrand, the King of France, requested the Eiffel Tower was constructed there. It was shipped to Paris in parts.
- The real biography of Tracey Emin is so horrific that it will drive anyone who reads it insane. Insane in the membrane (insane in the brain). Only five copies of the real biography exist, all in the secret vaults of Labour Party. The books contains all of Emin's dark secrets. Also her Netflix password.
Fact or Fiction?
Conventional wisdom says "airplane contrails are actually a way for the government to disperse mind controlling chemicals."
This is Fiction.
If they wanted to do this the government would just add something to the water supply, right? But they cannot use the contrail dispersal system as the Freemasons is already using this to inject massive amounts of concentrated carbon-dioxide into the upper atmosphere to increase the global temperatures. Why? They just like the idea of everyone wearing less clothing so making it hotter is just a means to an end.